I went on a date tonight with a guy from my non-violent restraint training class that finshed up today.
The class was awesome. The date started out ok.
We chatted over some beers. It was clear that he’d never be my “life partner” type after a bit of probing, but I though eh..maybe fun for a few dates or as an activity partner.
The thing was that there was this one question he kept asking me and I didn’t want to answer. I just met him & felt like he wanted to go on a second date way too fast. (i.e. tomorrow)
So I kept evading. After the 4th time he asked me “soo..what are you doing tomorrow” I said, “Look, it’s pretty clear that I’m not going to answer that question so please stop asking. It’s creepy.”
I then explained that if he wants to ask me to do something then ask me. It’s not necessary to know my weekend plans in order to ask me to consider your proposal.
He said ok and I thought it was settled. So, I got up & excused myself to the bathroom.
When I arrived back the bill was on the table. He said agitated, “so we’ll just split this down the middle.”
This takes me by surprise since he just paid for the other beers at the bar & was the one who asked me out on a date. But I agree thinking well…this will be the last time..how classless!
He sees I’m put off and asks if something is bothering me.
I’m a no games, no b.s. kind a gal so I said, well yeah..I’m not accustomed to paying on a date that I’ve been asked out on.
Then he pops!
Starts bringing up how offended he is that I called him creepy & what’s the big deal with splitting the bill? I thought you were a 2013 girl not 1913.
I talked the guy down like some kind of freaking hostage negotiator, but now he’s suuuuuuper creepy & scary.
Then he said, well what’s the big deal about telling me your plans? What do you think? I want to fuck you?
I was totally taken aback to a whole new level now ..I’m like what the hell? Where did that come from and what the hell does that have to do with me prefering not to share my weekend itinerary?
Dude gets up and walks out of the bar. (I know sounds like the beginning of a joke…sooooo wish it were)
I sat for a second shaken and thinking what in the hell just happened?
During the class today, they hung this poster that reminded us not to take things personally.
When a kid you’re working with becomes violent just keep your cool, stay in control of yourself, and remember their behavior is their responsibility.
I took a picture of it today and said, I think this will be something I could use in my blog. Little did I know it would be so useful so soon!
After my date, the poster flashed in my mind as I wondered if it was something I said that made him act that way.
But then I remembered, nobody can make you do anything or act a certain way. You have choices in how to respond. We all do.
He chose to be an asshole.
So, I walked away royally confused, but also clear that ownership of his reaction belongs to him, not me.
I didn’t always think this way and boy oh boy did I waste a lot of time.
So, here’s a reminder to all my supporters & travelers out there in this thing called life…
Save yourself the time & trouble and…
Quit taking it personally.
-with love from aneternaltraveler 😉