Today stands out as one of those moments that I know I will never forget. A breakthrough. An Oprah Aha! moment. A shift inside of me. Today, I stood up and said, ENOUGH! I reclaimed my voice.
First a little background,
Since I began my job 4 months ago, I’ve had nothing but problems with co-workers after the 1st week into the job. Too much gossip and trash talk behind people’s back. A bunch of petty garbage that serves no good purpose and creates a lot of hurt. What’s made matters worse is that my Team Lead is the ring leader.
I began documenting the issues (abusive language, screaming, belittling, bullying, etc.) because it was so consistently toxic. I was told to keep my mouth shut and just learn the way things are done around here.
It freaked me out, but I pushed on and repeatedly attempted to resolve it directly with the people involved. Finally, I was left with no other choice but to take it to the next level and bring my written record to the administration. It was at best partially handled because nobody wanted to get their hands dirty.
So, all that really changed is that everything happened behind my back and I was communicated with via email and never spoken to face-to-face. Whenever someone had an issue and involved me, no one asked for my perspective. I was just immediately accused via email and told to correct my behavior.
What’s more, because the Team Lead was not reprimanded, she became emboldened to press on, turning targeting me into a sport. This in turn set an example for the rest of my team to put their frustrations onto me and report them to her in an effort to ass kiss and be on the “winning team”.
So up to current day,
I returned to work today after being out sick to find one of my co-workers confronting me about whether I said to a higher up that “she didn’t know what she was doing” when we worked together on Monday. I was floored. I cleared the matter up with her while finding out who said what.
Something snapped inside. I was done. Fed up. Enough was enough.
I went on a mission. I traced the conversation and talked to each person who was involved until I found out the Team Lead is the one who twisted what she was told about my comments.
Immediately after that I went right to the administration to set up a meeting to explain what was going on. I said, “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!” This needs to be resolved once and for all. I cannot come into work with this anxiety and have my Team Lead trash talking me and creating conflict between myself and other team members.
Even if I had said something like that about a co-worker, what possible value would there be in sharing it with her, but to create trouble and cause alienation. I can’t help but feel that she is trying to push me out of my job.
So, now we all have a meeting on Friday and I’m going in with both barrels loaded.
Getting Your Groove Back
We don’t always know when we will get our confidence back or feel sure on our feet again, but when it happens we will recognize it. Today was that day for me. It all clicked into place and I was calm, clear, focused and ready for battle.
Whatever the outcome, I will not continue with or exit from this place without making clear the kind of behavior that is going on. And I am at peace with whatever will be. I know in my heart I can trust that there is a plan to all of this.
But there is one thing I know for sure,
There comes a point in life when you simply have to stand up and say NO! Enough is Enough!!
– With love from aneternaltraveler 😉