For a long time, I used to think that I was terrible at relationships because of my divorces, but the flip side of divorce can be a much greater understanding of what works in a relationship and what doesn’t. Of course the caveat is that you must actually take the time and make the effort to breakdown, grieve, get real with yourself and come out the other side with peace AND understanding.
So when I did this and then ventured back out into the dating world, I had a whole different view on myself, my needs, and my expectations in a relationship. I knew what values needed to be in place, the kind of emotional connection necessary, the humor, attitude, character, etc. that would work best for me.
I had learned to take care of myself which was terrifying at first, but became a source of great empowerment to me. I didn’t need someone to complete me. I discovered that I am already whole.
If you’re anything like me you love lists. So compact and to the point. So here’s my list of the TOP 11 Reasons You Need to Bail on A Relationship. As a side note, this can of course apply to female partners as well, but I am writing from the perspective of a hetero female 😉
1. He doesn’t comfort you in your worst moments. He actually often makes it worse by arguing with you, laughing at you or showing no emotion or inappropriate emotion.
2. He thinks of himself first and leaves you what’s left or nothing at all.
3. He thinks that s/he can buy your love to make up for the lack of emotional intimacy.
4. You can’t imagine him caring for you if you were old, sick, or dying. In fact you might imagine him trying to get sympathy in public and treating like garbage behind closed doors.
5. He makes you feel worse about yourself when you’re together and brings out the worst in you. You are not growing emotionally or spiritually with him.
6. You spend more time talking about the relationship than enjoying being in one.
7. The bad times start to outweigh the good and hardly a day or two goes by without conflict.
8. Nothing ever gets resolved because he manipulates the situation with threats (suicide, leaving, withholding etc.), putdowns, avoidance, playing dumb (gaslighting), managing down your expectations by teaching you that fighting with him isn’t worth the trouble so you better start expecting less.
9. He’s over 30 and still afraid of what his family thinks about him, you or your relationship. He puts more effort into making sure they are comfortable instead of you. He makes you look bad in front of his family. This man will not have your back (unless of course it suits him). He is not a reliable partner. Good time, yeah! Bad times….not so much.
10. He has a history of cheating while in a committed relationship. Whether or not he cheats on YOU sexually, I guarantee you that this kind of behavior is a whole mindset that is based on superficiality, entitlement and instant gratification. This is not a guy who goes the distance. He won’t keep promises he makes no matter how often he says so.
11. If his words don’t match his actions, judge the actions. That’s what counts.
Commitment is great, but make sure it is to someone who is really committed to your happiness too.
Would you add anything based on your experience?
with love from aneternaltraveler 😉