The Hardest Thing

Sometimes you don’t get closure in the way that works best for you.  Sometimes other people withhold it because their bitterness is their last connection to you.  In the end, all heartbreaks are really personal journeys aren’t they? Even when you have your answers, you’re on your own to sort it out.

Blue Footed Boobies. Isla de Plata.
Blue Footed Boobies. Isla de Plata.                     “He sent you a text breakup and he’s still creepin’ on you?”   “Guuuurl…that’s cold.”

After my boyfriend broke up our 1 year relationship via text message, I couldn’t bring myself to even respond for about 1 month. There are no words to describe the range of emotions I was feeling. As a result of a misunderstanding, I reached out to him to thank him for something I, mistakenly, thought he sent to me as an apology. That is when I realized I was blocked — from everything.

I was in shock and disbelief.  Did he send me the text and go balls against the wall total def-con 5 NO CONTACT? Did he really want to even keep me from responding?  And still after a whole month?

I’m not going to lie.  I kind of lost it.  I tried every form of communication I knew of to reach him. Multiple times. I couldn’t believe it was for real.  I thought surely he would return a call or a message. Nope. Instead he found new places to block me. Nice. Who is this man?  Then I find out he’s creepin’ my Facebook page and even tried to hack into it.  Yet he refuses direct contact. Again I ask, Who is this man?

So there I was making a fool out of myself. All. By. Myself.

I’m a “why” person. Curious. Investigative. There is no surprise I became a scientist 🙂 I like to know answers to questions. I like to unravel cognitive dissonances.  With this I got nothin’.  Sure I have my theories, but ultimately I couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t bring himself to have even a conversation with me.

Basically, I have been making myself crazy with constant – Why? Why? Why?

It had to stop.  So today I did the hardest thing.  I left my last voicemail with the ball in his court to call. I walked away without answers.  This is my personal living hell. But I had to do it for me.

Even if a relationship needs to end, do yourself and your lover a favor, end it while preserving one another’s dignity.

Still seeking everlasting love
– aneternaltraveler

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