Tag Archives: community

Change the Action, Change the Outcome

“I guess it’s hard for people who are so used to things the way they are – even if they’re bad – to change. ‘Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.”
– Pay it Forward

I saw this quote and it got me thinking about how my relationship with Paul was always on again / off again. A problem would arise and we’d add distance or breakup. At some point we’d miss each other and find our way back on again.  Nothing got solved.

On the other hand, working through problems and actually making change to make things better can make a relationship better, stronger, and last longer. Every relationship has rough patches. So the key aspect here is change. If things don’t change, then the results won’t change.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

This is what kept me hanging on for so long. I believed him when he said he would make changes.  Each time he didn’t make good on that, I lost faith in him. It wasn’t that he couldn’t satisfy my needs, it was that he wouldn’t.  That was the most horrifyingly painful part for me. I would stand there with my brain in knots and just say, why? If actually being happy together comes down to you following through on what you said you would do, why don’t you do it?

The disappointment became chronic. I was losing the man I loved. All because wouldn’t. All the while he’d tell me he loves me. That I’m an amazing woman. So, what do you think it communicates to a woman then that you feel this way and yet will not keep your word? Does that make her feel special? Loved?  Honored? Respected? No sir, it does not.

It was never that I wanted someone else or that he wasn’t good enough or that he couldn’t make me happy. He just simply decided not to amd then walked away lying and telling himslef the problem was that he couldn’t make me happy. I have news for you – no woman would be happy with a man who doesn’t follow through and keep his word to her.

So yeah,  you walked away, you’re out there searching for someone new. But you are destined to keep repeating the same damn mistakes because you never learned how to deal.

It is so easy to walk away and think you’re dealing with a relationship issue, but really you’re just pushing it off to the next person you meet. The constant is you. Stop blaming it on the person you’re with.  If you left, you are a leaver. That’s not your partner doing that. That’s you.  It would be better to stay with the person you’re already with and work it out. Otherwise, you’ll invest again in someone else and be disappointed again in someone else.

At some point you have to realize that life is a patchwork called a relationship. Together you make a quilt. That quilt protects and shelters you as life goes on. Every time you start over with someone new, you start with a tiny patch that barely covers your palm. It is exhausting to keep doing this and when it is all said and done, you’ve got no love to keep you warm.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve had some major learning from this insight as well. We should have stuck it out when things got tough so we really knew we could work things out. You should have keep your word so I didn’t lose trust in you. When we found a solution that we both agreed on, it should have been implemented – no excuses. We would have still been together.

After many stops amd starts, do you think two people could change how they do things and do better forever? Could they get back together and stick together? Or would they break up again?

I think if things have changed, in that, you see the problem and how you two will commit to handling things, you can try again… But not by continuing. By starting over. 

Let’s revisit that quote one more time,
“I guess it’s hard for people who are so used to things the way they are – even if they’re bad – to change. ‘Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.”
– Pay it Forward

We need to push past our comfort zone to grow.
With love from aneternaltraveler 😉

Best 30 Day Challenges

30-day-challenge-ideasI have done a couple of 30 day challenges and I really like them.  I wondered if any of you have done a 30 day challenge that has changed your life and if you’d pass it on to me.  Can I get your advice?  I’d like to come up with some great ideas that can improve my life and the lives of others and make a blog about it.

I’ve done the green smoothie challenge and a gratitude challenge and they were fabulous.  I walked across Spain in (almost) 30 days.

I thought about these:

30 days working out for 30 min./day – everyday

30 days no TV

Any ideas my fellow bloggers and loyal followers?

with love from aneternaltraveler 😉

There’s No Place Called Home

One of the things I discovered after traveling so much and finally living overseas was that I never felt like the USA was my home again. It’s hard to describe to most people because it is not like going on vacation for a couple of weeks and returning to your life. When you live overseas, you begin to integrate into a different culture, learn the language, the customs.  

Without you realizing it, you start to unconsciously give up the parts of yourself and your culture that you liked less in favor of adopting new ones.  Then, one day you return home and you’re some kind of strange hybrid who doesn’t quite fit in there anymore. For that matter, you could return overseas and you wouldn’t quite fit there either.  

Sometimes, I imagine that to truly feel at home anywhere again, I’d have to create my own hybrid community.

When I travel I often like to take a look at what I think each culture does really well or way better than the culture I came from.  I imagine that in a perfect world we’d be open enough integrate those great learnings into our own society, regardless of source.  

It seems to me like countries are a bit like sports teams.  Each one wants to say they are the best and each has their die hard fans. In reality each country (or sports team) has their strengths and weaknesses and none are perfect.

But herein lies the problem.  When you try to reintegrate into your own country again you’re filled with ideas that are either misunderstood or plain unwelcome.  Unfortunately (or fortunately), once you open up your mind like this, you can’t un-see it or un-think it.  It becomes a part of your new reality.  

I would like to feel “at home” somewhere, but I start to wonder if home will never be a place anymore and if instead that feeling will come from the connections I make with people I meet along the way.