Tag Archives: freedom

TV Diet Day 1

Image result for no tvJust so you know, this is waaaaay easier than quitting smoking. Giving up TV is more like that awkward friend standing in the middle of the room that you feel like you have to explain. I went for the remote a few times, but managed relatively easily. I did notice that it was easier to fall asleep and I got tired more progressively; as if I watched all the machinery slow down. Normally, I practically pass out to the TV blaring away. If I am too lazy to turn it off in the middle of the night, sometimes it would still be on the next morning. I wonder what kind of programming I’ve tuned into. But seriously, that can’t be good. I also noticed that I feel calmer overall. It seems like I have more hours in the evening. I’m just happy I’m blogging again with my newfound spare time. I’ve started getting my news as a feed on my phone. NO VIDEOS. I actually read more news now because everything is in digest form. I like feeling more informed. I still don’t feel motivated to clean the house, but I’m hoping that will kick in soon…..

with love from
aneternaltraveler ūüėČ

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Fly into the Light, Butterfly

Like a worm in a cocoon we are unaware of the transformation taking place until the moment we emerge a butterfly.

As the season that represents the hopes and dreams of the world is upon us once again, I find myself ¬†filled with a hope and joy in my life I haven’t felt since 2003. 12 years in the making. I nearly gave up many times. It has been a long journey; at times very painful. Nonetheless, I have finally arrived. Today, I realized it all at once.

I haven’t been on a solo travel adventure ¬†in some time. ¬†As I left my house this morning my luggage lightly packed to leave room for possibilities, I stood on my front porch and taking a deep breath I thought – you’re really happy aren’t you?

I am at peace. ¬†I finally care about something again. ¬†In my teaching, I have purpose. ¬†They help me be a better person and I help them too. I have great friends. I haven’t found that one special guy yet, but I’m enjoying dating 4 different men¬†of interest in the meanwhile ūüôā ¬†I make a good salary finally and found a way to make extra money and paid off all my student loans. ¬†I am debt free. ¬†In 3 months I took my 7th graders to great success in an engineering competition where they were 5 of only 12 students in two counties to be awarded “outstanding engineers” and have lunch with the Chief Scientist of NASA. My life is on the rise again after fighting in the trenches so long. 12 long years.

I’m estranged from my mother who left me on Mother’s day, yet to return again. I have made peace with her choice and learned there are some things you cannot control. ¬†One of those things is how people choose to behave and interact with the world. ¬†Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to let them go. Many times she asked me to leave her life. I wasn’t listening. ¬†Now I hear loud and clear. ¬†At about the same time my ex-boyfriend had left and my pet of 16 years died. ¬†The timing of those two relationships ending was the peak of the tragedy over these 12 years. I spent much of the summer recovering from two big blows. I was really alone with myself once again.

After I came out of it all, I began to map out how I wanted the future to look. I became very clear on what I would and would not accept into my life. I thought a lot about what I wanted to focus on. ¬†I made a plan. I stayed focused. ¬†And you know what? I’ve been knocking it out of the park. ¬†My goals are from my soul so working towards them feels in harmony with who I am. ¬†When I FEEL that connection, I know I’m on the right path.

I also made the choice to have a serious talk with my doctor to manage a debilitating health concern when I finally couldn’t continue to have any quality of life¬†without beginning medication. It is something that no one knows about and I’ve kept private for a very long time.

“Coming out”, if you will, freed my soul and allowed me to accept the whole me. Walking into the sunlight helped me love myself better. ¬†In the end seeking treatment instead of suffering all these years was a great act of self-love. ¬†Everyday I am happy I made the choice and my only wish is that I had made it sooner. That conversation with my doctor saved my life.

So, now I head to the red rocks and sunshine of health-conscious Sedona to introduce myself to¬†the world of butterflies. ¬†A new beginning; surrounded by some of the best of natures’ creation, I will spread my¬†newborn¬†wings and fly towards that which brings joy, peace, and health. ¬†I look forward to witnessing¬†the vastness of the Grand Canyon and drinking in the elixer of possibility seeing both my smallness and my greatness at once.

As  I go into the new year, I have but one resolution Рto keep flying towards the light.

—- With love this holiday season from¬†aneternaltraveler ‚̧

Gratitude Challenge Day 7 of 30

wpid-screenshot_2014-08-16-19-49-03-1.pngDay 7 of 30 – Gratitude for Work

This one is a little bit tough for me because I’ve never felt like I’ve had a career that I loved. On the other hand, I am grateful that I’ve always found some kind of work to help pay the bills and support myself. ¬†

In my current position, I am grateful that I can help children with special needs reach their potential. I enjoy giving my kids hope, finding strategies to manage behaviors and ¬†accomplish academic goals. Everyone needs to feel useful. I don’t care what struggle you come with into this world.

I am also grateful that the school is nearby, making for a short commute.  Having summers off to explore the world allows another part of me to flourish.

As far back as I can remember, I wanted two basic things out of life “when I grew up”. ¬†I wanted to help people reach their potential and to see the world. ¬†Ideally, I could combine those two concepts together. ¬†I still hold out hope that someday I will.

I thought a lot about how to leverage my education and experience into a career in education which seems like it could be a great fit for the life I want to live.  I went to an information seminar which talked about an accelerated teacher certification program for people with a degree and experience in science and math. I thought to myself, that could be it.  I have a B.S. in Biology and I would appreciate teaching older students (vs. elementary where I am now) because I could go more in depth and do more complex experiments with them.

Before you knew it, I was signed up to take the Middle School Science Praxis II exam. Passing this is one of the requirements to apply for the program. It basically tests you in all areas of the sciences (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Earth Science, Technology) and determines if you’re competent ūüôā ¬†I was pretty nervous during the test and walking out, was sure I failed. ¬†While in Spain, I learned that I passed it by 25 points!¬†

So, I have another basic Praxis test to take which tests core competencies (Reading, Writing, Math) that I need to pass. ¬†You’ll probably laugh after hearing how well I did on the Science test, despite my concern that I failed, but I am afraid that I will bomb the easy stuff and pass the hard stuff. ¬†It wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened. ¬†For example, in college, I got C’s in General Chemistry and A’s and B’s in Organic Chemistry !? So, maybe say some prayers, please ūüôā

I digress.  Got a little sidetracked there. Tying it all together.

I am changing careers or at least modifying how science is paying the bills. It is kind of nerve wracking sometimes. Exciting, yes, but a little scary.  I am 37 and find that I am ready to have what I really want in my life. Within the next three years, I will work to put everything I want in place so that when 40 rolls around, there will be no life crisis. I am ready for more stability and a career that allows me to build for my future and also helps other people reach their potential.  I am also ready to have the freedom that allows for my adventurous side to flourish (summers off) so that I may always meet new people and cultures and see the world.

So, I am not quite where I want to be, but I am grateful that I have a job that is in the field that I want to advance myself. I am grateful that I have work that offers me the chance to help children discover their potential.  I am thankful that it provides me with health insurance, a pension, and that I am already building towards that future that I want. 

How about you? Why are you grateful for work?

With gratitude from aneternaltraveler ūüėČ

 

Shifting Perspectives

The other night I was having a conversation with my “guardian angel” on the phone and explaining to her how I am at my wits end with my life and in desperate need of a change towards the good. I feel so tired of coming up empty handed.

I explained that I’m ready to sell my house, pay off my debt and get the hell out of dodge so I can heal whatever is going on and move forward. I feel like I’m treading water and failing miserably.

She said, honey let’s look at this – ok you’re not satisfied with your current work situation. You don’t like the debt hanging over your head. You’ve been through 2 divorces which have completely shaken your confidence to the core. At the same time, I’ve watched you take on challenge after challenge on your own and untangle yourself from a lot of things over these past couple of years. And you keep coming out ahead. Heck, you’ve not even passed your Certified Personal Trainer test yet and you’ve already got someone signed up to work 6 months with you starting in 2014.

So, let’s put this all together. You want to get out of debt. You want the freedom that comes with owning your own business, you want to get your confidence back, and you want to transform lives.

Image

If you can help this girl lose 40 lbs in 6 months for her wedding, you will not only transform her¬†life, you’ll transform your own.

You’ll build the confidence you need and you’ll make money to get out of debt doing work you love.

Isn’t that an alternative to having a fire sale?

If I still decide that I want to sell my house to have the capital to take on a new venture to transform lives wouldn’t it feel better then?

I’m sure it would.

I can’t underscore enough the importance of having at least one person in your life that you can trust. Someone who you can be really honest with and can offer you different perspectives to your own problems. I’m not saying you have to take their advice, but it is good to consider solutions from different perspectives before making your own decision.

Back to the drawing board?

– With love from aneternaltraveler ūüėČ

2 Questions to Find Out What You Love to Do

Today at work we had a half-day in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday. This always throws off my schedule of the kids that I regularly work with. ¬†So, I’m left with figuring out where I can be of service.

It struck me today that when I was given the time and the choice at work go where I wanted to help, I make very different choices than when I’m assigned to be somewhere. ¬†The first thing that came to mind was, who do I enjoy working with? ¬†Then, where could I learn something?

I picked the class I wanted to work in and offered my help.  The teachers were grateful and I got to know some other kids better while learning how to work with different developmental disabilities.  I actually enjoyed myself and the time flew by.

All the way home from work, it got me thinking about how so often we ask ourselves what we really want out of life.  Many times though, the choices we make have nothing to do with what we want at all.  We look instead at where we could make more money or status or at commute time, etc.  Today, by way of having to make a decision about what to do with my time at work, I thought instead about what I actually wanted to do for a change and it brought me real joy.

We’ve all heard the expression, do what you love and the money will follow, but how often do we actually find ourselves opening up to notice what that is? ¬†How often do we believe we don’t even have a choice? ¬†We do what we think others expect of us, we worry, we keep busy, but how close is any of this bringing us to finding out what it is we love to do?

There have been many half-days before.  There was nothing extraordinary about it by itself.  I truly believe that what made today different was the fact that I checked-in with my own needs and wants and I finally asked the right questions for me to find that answer.  Finally, this expression resonated with me and I understood how to manifest it in my life.

When you feel lost or think you don’t have choice or that nothing will ever change, it’s time to check-in with yourself. ¬†

To get yourself started, ask and answer 2 questions when your inner critic flares telling you why you can’t or what you have to do. ¬†

1) Is that really true?

2) What are the alternatives?  

Once you see that it is not true and you do have other options, then you can begin to open yourself up to ask what you really want and actually notice what makes you happy. ¬†Then, as the shampoo bottle says, rinse and repeat ūüôā In other words, KEEP doing it as often as you can.

At some point you’ll notice that your life is filled mostly if not entirely with the work and the people you love and you are well provided for instead of feeling like you are a slave to the needs of others. ¬†Now that’s freedom!

With love from aneternaltraveler ūüėČ