Tag Archives: friendship

Everybody Needs Somebody

Tradgedy and time on your hands has a way of re-teaching you who you are. It also shows you where you could use a helping hand.

I tend to be a person who hangs out with herself a lot. What do I mean by this? First of all I really do like hanging out with myself. Also, I grew up learning a couple of things that stuck with me.

I learned that it’s best not to count on other people – so learn how to do things yourself. I’ve also learned to be a very good secret keeper for those who treated me badly but knew how to look good in front of others. These teachings have damaged my thinking and impacted all of image

my relationships. I’m starting to realize that now.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it is fantastic that I can do so many things without needing to pay someone – case and point refinishing my bathtub. It cost me about $30.Β  I love that I am multi-talented!

The problem comes in when I don’t ever depend on anyone for anything, not even emotional things. I don’t have that group of gals I chat with. Heck, I don’t even have 1 best girl friend. I do have a great neighbor who I consider my best friend. We call ourselves the odd couple because he is 68 and I am 38 and we have a marvelous friendship. Of course he has a life with his wife and goes on vacation and such. So, when he’s not there I have no one. The thing is that other people are there, but I don’t form deeper relationships mostly because in good times and bad, I don’t want to bother them.

Eventually, if I’m going through something very trying and it’s beyond my ability to handle it alone, I can become very depressed and isolated. So, this is the ugly flip side of extreme independence.


The order of events in my life lately seem to be of no coincidence. I am clearly being shown my areas in need of improvement and compassionately I’m also being presented with solutions. I need a better support group so that I feel loved no matter what and so I don’t have to rely so heavily on my romantic relationships to be the single source.

After 7 years of not seeing my dad’s side of the family, I was invited to spend the 4th of July with them in NC just when I needed it most. Then, they invited me to spend the week with them at their beach house.

I also reached out to my cousin in Nova Scotia who, despite never having heard her voice until now, has been a source of inspiration to me through various electronic and written mediums. She also wrapped me in her love and patience with the offer to let me “get it all out in a safe place” and to visit sometime.

That’s the ticket isn’t it? One has to feel safe to open up. Part of being a secret keeper for abusive people is that you never know real safety. You tend to silence yourself and suffer quietly. It is not natural to trust , but very special and treasured dearly when it happens with someone. You’ll never meet someone more loyal.

Part of the challenge that I faced in my last relationship is that everyone in my life encouraged me to leave him. I did, several times. They all thought he was a piece of shit, psychopath, narcissist….you get the idea. So, when I’d leave and eventually find my way back, I felt more and more ashamed to talk to people. This can be very isolating and damaging. I was image
embarrassed.Β  I knew in my head what a manipulative bastard he was, how badly he was treating me. My heart kept going hoping against hope something would change. By the end of it all, aside from my neighbor, I stopped talking about him entirely to anyone. So I had nowhere to go with all the pain except this blog and my music. So thank you for keeping me going!

It’s past the point of needing to write a new chapter. I’m ready to crack open the spine of a brand new book and begin fresh with this post as my preface.

With love from aneternaltraveler πŸ˜‰

Friends 4 Ever

I was trolling around Tiny Buddha’s website as I often do when in search of inspiration when I found this fantastic article about friendship. How to Become a Magnet for Friends.

At the end of the article, I was struck by the “Six Magic Words That Make Friendships Happen”

β€œWhat can I do for you?”

And that really sums it up. To be a good friend, a true friend you have to be of service to another in a way that they need the most.

It is not enough to say you care or to say you’ll always be someone’s friend. You have to show up and act on your friendship.

It is so easy to write a few words by IM or text or “like” a post in FB, but if you don’t get beyond this, you’re a fantasy friend.

I don’t know if it is my recent break up with my future-faking ex or if it is that I’m older, wiser and more experienced, but I can’t take anymore bullshit excuses for why you or anyone else can’t act like a friend. What am I dog meat? I can clearly see that you make time for other friends uh..because we’re both on FB. So what gives?

Nobody is that busy. Funny how they do have time to deliver excuses about why they are being a crappy friend to you.

You don’t need these fake friends, hanger-oners, or a fantasyland of ego trippers who try to convince other people that their lives are awesome. I call bullshit. Enough. Delete in fantasyland. If you’re for real, come see me in reality.

Venting complete. Thank you for listening, friend. I needed that.

With love from aneternaltraveler πŸ˜‰

You’ve Got a Friend…

During the winter I become something of a “shut-in”.  I literally won’t go out unless I absolutely can’t find a way around it. For example, going to work gets me out because I have to keep the lights on πŸ™‚ However, the grocery store I tend to put off until it becomes really uncomfortable. Same with cleaning the house.

Now rationally, I know this shouldn’t be so difficult. However, I spend a lot of time beating myself up over not doing these “simple things” or spending time waiting to “become motivated”. This isn’t really good for me either because I feel worse about myself and nothing has changed. I can’t explain it better than saying, I just feel really blah, slow and have zero motivation.

Keep in mind during spring, summer & fall, you’ll rarely find me at home. So it’s a pretty big change when winter comes.

Today I tried something different. I asked my friend if he would go with me to the grocery store after we went out. He said, no problem.

I think the thing I learned from this is that first & foremost you have to be honest with yourself.  You have to accept where you’re at. Most importantly you have to know when it is time to ask for help.

I wanted to share this with all  of you because each of us has some seemingly “odd” thing we struggle with at least every once in awhile. Many of us are afraid to share it. Mine is a cascade of challenges that I face in the winter.

Whatever your challenge may be, instead of feeling ashamed just ask for help. You may be surprised that your friends are there for you even in your oddest moments and love you anyway.  What’s more, you get a great opportunity to be honest with yourself & give someone else a chance to know you better.

With love from aneternaltraveler πŸ˜‰