Tag Archives: realtionships

Just Leave Already

mighty-fine-ladies-sex-and-the-city-martini-t-shirt-by-mighty-fine-black-p279-371_imageHow many times have you sat next to your girlfriend while she sobs pitifully into her Cosmo (a la Sex and the City) about the latest guy? You still refused to give her a much needed wake up call. Didn’t you? This goes waaaay beyond – He’s Just Not that Into You! It’s about gathering up your self respect enough that you can tell your girl to opt-out before she loses her own self-respect.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that it can feel good to get at least some of the things you want from a relationship,especially if you’ve been alone for a while. But that doesn’t mean you’re getting what you need to make it last.

I’m all for letting the guy know if you don’t like something or what your preferences are. That’s just good communication. But here’s the thing, if he agreed to make the adjustment and you don’t see any improvement over a reasonable period of time, you’re probably not going to get further by telling him the same thing more often. Unless disappointment and empty promises are what you’re after.

Unless you’re dating a complete moron (which begs the question of why you’d be interested in him to begin with), he is capable of understanding the words that are coming out of your mouth. He would WANT to listen and make you happy if he were able and if he gave a flying fancy about you.

You don’t have to resort to scare tactics – threaten him, get all passive aggressive or break up to make your point. In fact if you are doing any of these things for that reason, please get real and understand that it is not sustainable or healthy to keep going on like this. If he suddenly promises to change when you make these threats but not when things are “normal”, then you know you’ve got a solid reason to opt-out. There is nothing to “FIX”. Nothing better to look forward to. Just honor the waving red flags, gather up your self-respect and get out of Dodge.

buh byeopt-out
noun
an instance of choosing not to participate in something.

Here’s the clincher – it doesn’t matter WHY!?! It doesn’t matter if he’s into you, not into you, has a tough day, week, year, life, childhood or is just not able to give you what you need. What matters is that YOU know what YOU need and you say buh-bye to someone who doesn’t meet those needs. Boom! Ta-Da! Done! There’s the magic! The Rabbit has left the hat!

–<3 with love from aneternaltraveler 😉

Have You Settled for Less Yet?

yoloDo we all reach a point in our lives where even the most rebellious among us finds themselves settling? Have your dreams started to feel like old wrinkled black and white pictures of days gone by?  Do you even remember having a dream?

Is it that we reach a point in our lives in which we boil down to the bones what’s most important to us and go for that minimum? OR — are we settling for less because we are no longer willing to wait for our dreams to come true?

I talk to a lot of people who have found themselves still working in a job 10-15 years later that they said was temporary.  They were going to light the world on fire with their ideas.  They weren’t gonna get caught up in it all.  They were going to show us all how to live. We wanted to be them.  Maybe we were them.

How about the women who have given up on meeting Mr. Right and have opted for Mr. Good Enough because at least she knows he’s real.  It’s not passionate and everything you’ve dreamed, but it’s not lonely either.

And then, I think of all the things most of us put off until (the) tomorrow (that never comes), and it feels like we take for granted the time we have and the people in our lives.  Suddenly, one day you wake up (usually about the time you notice you’re really unhappy with your life) and realize that you’re entrenched so deeply in the life you HAVE created, that the life we wanted has already passed you by. Remember, those were those “crazy” choices that you talked yourself out of because it “wasn’t practical.”

As time goes on, we start to rationalize things, especially our lives.  We tell ourselves it isn’t that bad. We have to make sense out of where we “ended up”, right? How many of us have just moved the goal post and tried to be happy about it? Or maybe you openly admit that you’ve settled, because the alternative is trying to rebuild something better from scratch.  Right now at least you’re living some kind of successful life.  And maybe that has be good enough.  Whether it is or it isn’t…

Because honestly, at this point what would motivate you to bother doing better?

With love from aneternaltraveler 😉