How many times have you sat next to your girlfriend while she sobs pitifully into her Cosmo (a la Sex and the City) about the latest guy? You still refused to give her a much needed wake up call. Didn’t you? This goes waaaay beyond – He’s Just Not that Into You! It’s about gathering up your self respect enough that you can tell your girl to opt-out before she loses her own self-respect.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that it can feel good to get at least some of the things you want from a relationship,especially if you’ve been alone for a while. But that doesn’t mean you’re getting what you need to make it last.
I’m all for letting the guy know if you don’t like something or what your preferences are. That’s just good communication. But here’s the thing, if he agreed to make the adjustment and you don’t see any improvement over a reasonable period of time, you’re probably not going to get further by telling him the same thing more often. Unless disappointment and empty promises are what you’re after.
Unless you’re dating a complete moron (which begs the question of why you’d be interested in him to begin with), he is capable of understanding the words that are coming out of your mouth. He would WANT to listen and make you happy if he were able and if he gave a flying fancy about you.
You don’t have to resort to scare tactics – threaten him, get all passive aggressive or break up to make your point. In fact if you are doing any of these things for that reason, please get real and understand that it is not sustainable or healthy to keep going on like this. If he suddenly promises to change when you make these threats but not when things are “normal”, then you know you’ve got a solid reason to opt-out. There is nothing to “FIX”. Nothing better to look forward to. Just honor the waving red flags, gather up your self-respect and get out of Dodge.
Here’s the clincher – it doesn’t matter WHY!?! It doesn’t matter if he’s into you, not into you, has a tough day, week, year, life, childhood or is just not able to give you what you need. What matters is that YOU know what YOU need and you say buh-bye to someone who doesn’t meet those needs. Boom! Ta-Da! Done! There’s the magic! The Rabbit has left the hat!
–<3 with love from aneternaltraveler 😉